Treat Only

I’ve spent years trying to find a creative outlet. Cooking is great but then, because I live alone, I eat ALL the food I make. And I drink ALL the wine while cooking the food and then of course one needs to have a glass of wine with the meal. SO … I need another outlet. And I’m really hoping this is it. I love telling stories and I love writing. But I’ve never combined the two. So, they’ll be a bit of learning curve, I suppose. I’m struggling with the fact that I can’t see my audience’s faces. But it’s funny, I’m already imagining you as you read this. You all live in California. I have a habit of vividly imagining people who I’ve only communicated with via phone or email. The odd thing is I don’t realize I’ve done it until I meet the person or see a picture of them and then I think, “well THAT’s not what Bob looks like. Bob wears red baseball caps and has a scar on his eyebrow.”

Sidebar: aren’t those eyebrow scars the BEST?  You just KNOW there’s a good story there. Like my friend told her brother to throw an etch a sketch at her face when she was 8 because she had just made a cardboard shield that was going to protect her face but then he just went ahead and threw it and he had good aim and now she’s god a bitchin’ eyebrow scar. 

Anyway, this blog is not called eyebrow scar, it’s called Treat Only and there’s a story behind that. It’s not one of my best stories. Those will come later. But for now, I think it’s a nice story because it just illustrates the kind of things I hope to write about in this blog.

I was taking a drive to an estate sale with my aunt today. I plugged in the address and then noticed that google maps wanted me to know that there was a

Dairy Queen (Treat Only)  on our route.

There’s so much here I almost feel giddy with the excitement that comes with examining the many layers of what at first seems to be one dimensional.

First: is this something that google does now? They’re just gonna make suggestions about pit stops? Cause, if you know me, and soon you will, even if the pit stop sounds awesome and is exactly what I’ve been thirsting for, I will not go just to make the point that I know how to live my life, thank you very much, and I know more about most things. I know, I’m exhausting. I exhaust myself.

Sidebar: I once had a British boyfriend and he told me he was going to make us “Mexican” for dinner. I could feel myself getting all het up immediately because I had just assumed that if there were a call for Mexican food, I, as the one in the relationship whose birth country is NOT separated from Mexico by an ocean, would be the one to answer the call. Just like with the case of Bob of the red hat and eyebrow scar, I don’t realize I’ve made a certain assumption about something until the boyfriend says he’s making a BURRITO but then basically describes the process one would go through to make a FAJITA and then I find myself shout crying “I’M the one who knows the most about Mexican food” in the same tone you would use if you were being jailed for a crime you did not commit.

Second: why did they think I wanted to go to a dairy queen? I’ve accepted the idea that google and other people in my computer are watching my every move. So, they should know that these days I frequent Rita’s for my frozen custard.

Third: what is a “treat only” Dairy Queen? We googled it (you see how funny that is. yes, I know you do. I can see you smiling as you gaze out on the palm trees that dot your yard) and found that there are two different types of Dairy Queens: ones that serve treat only and ones that are “braziers.” Does anyone else feel as if we’ve suddenly jumped into a Dickens novel where the the rich are given a treat while the poor are left to warm their hands over a coal fired brazier? I mean, really, why is Dairy Queen using these arcane terms?

Sidebar: I may not have used the word arcane correctly just then. But this is my creative outlet and not my day job so I’m not going to agonize about it.

And fourth: Why is treat singular and not plural?

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